C&B Versus the World

Fuckin' A

2009-04-30T10:40:00.002-06:00

My swearing in front of your fucking children

2009-04-30T10:19:00.003-06:00

Fuck you and fuck your kids, fuck Bush and fuck Obama too.

This list?

The Pope
LDS President
Bruce Willis
Gay people
Homophobic people
White people
Black people
Purple People
The Detroit Lions
The L.A. Lakers
PS3 lovers
PS3 haters

Fuck em'
Every last one.

It is just a word, and words don't hurt people actions do. If your parenting is so shitty that your son or daughter self destructs upon the resuscitation of my complete vocabulary then you need to take a class or something.

This is the exact same thing as Mormon's who bitched about how when we got the wine list put on the menus in eating establishments in Utah, and how their faithful would fall into alcoholism in droves now that they saw that Wingers offers beer to drink as well as lemonade...excuse me, fucking lemonade, then I guess they weren't that faithful to being with, huh?

This is life, people drink and people swear, you can hide from it if you want to, but I'm not going to change my language because you'd rather that happen then explain to your children that you don't speak that way and don't want them to for whatever reason.

Fuck all y'all.

Children

2009-04-22T14:31:00.004-06:00

I am a 27 year old adult male who has been married for 5 years. Prior to my marriage to my wife we decided we did not want children, since then this has not changed and if anything our resolve about this has grown stronger. Let me be clear about this, I don't care if you have children, want children, love children, or live and die by your children, that is your prerogative. What I do care about is how your interaction and parenting with your children affects me and my decision not to have children. Your child is not my problem and therefore should not be an inconvenience to me, I did not fuck your wife or get fucked and I certainly wasn't involved with the parenting of the child, so I shouldn't have to hear from it.

If you're in a restaurant that has an entree on the menu for more than $15, I do not want to hear your child scream, cry, whine, bitch, moan, or really any audible sound from them. If you can't afford a babysitter, you shouldn't be going out. If you want to go out, that's what Chuck E Cheese is for, if you don't want Chuck E Cheese, see my previous comment. There are restaurants for adults and there are restaurants for children, please learn how to distinguish between the two of them.

If you're going to a movie that is not rated G and your child is under the age of 6 and cannot sit in a seat or be quiet, you should be shot on site, possibly beaten first, but definitely shot. The punishment should become progressively worst and more painful as the MPAA rating goes up as well as the time of the day that I"m seeing a movie goes on. I do not pay $6-$10 for a movie ticket to watch your child run around a movie theater screaming while you pretend like ignoring them is good parenting.

I don't know how we got to the day and age where people do not watch, punish or pay attention to their children. Personally, if it were my child I would be embarrassed by 90% of what I see on a daily basis and wouldn't be able to look at myself in a mirror. I do not blame the children, they are merely byproducts of bad parenting, but that doesn't mean that I want to deal with them. Just because you think your children are god's precious gifts does not mean the rest of the world sees them that way. Most of the parents who do perceive their children as such are typically bound to fuck the child up.

Deregulation

2009-04-19T22:37:00.001-06:00

Following the pattern of why I hate Republicans from my previous post, I think it's time to point out yet another hypocrisy. Now that Obama's been in office for a few months and hasn't done anything too reprehensible, beyond of course giving the Queen of England an Ipod. The Republicans have had to find a new way to slam him while trying to do it in a "subtle" manner. The new buzz word seems to be deregulation, not that this concept is new in any way, but it's an easy way to say "we don't want Obama fixing shit, so we'll talk about less government intervention." Keep in mind these are the people who passed the Patriot Act which was essentially government intervention in every fucking way humanly possible, but it was only on citizens, not businesses so it's okay.

So let's talk about less government intervention and a free market economy, both of which I'm not necessarily against, as long as people aren't greedy motherfuckers. So we've let banks, airlines, and automakers run without any strict government control for quite some time now and we have 3 industries that if it weren't for government bailouts, may no longer exist at this point. I've already bitched and moaned about banking and the automakers so I'll simply focus on the airlines and why they're a joke.

The airlines tend to believe that they can use 9/11 for an excuse even though the major ones were running at losses previously to 9/11. There's no such thing as customer service from them, this includes but is not limited to the fact that just because you buy a plane ticket, doesn't mean the plane will show up or that the seat you reserved is actually there. Price discrepancies for the same flight from different airlines can vary up to $1000 based on no particular reason whatsoever. If two people are flying to California, one from Utah and one from Idaho, it's typically cheaper for the person in Utah to fly to Idaho first then to take the same flight that the Idaho person is to California rather than flying directly (I've seen this occur on multiple occasions).

So we have multiple industries that can't manage themselves and yet the Republicans are up in arms about the idea of the government, or in this case Obama, assigning task forces or people to clean this mess up. I recently read a quote from the "legendary" and I use this term loosely, musician Ted Nugent about how if the government would just keep their hands out of it, the automakers would rally back stronger than ever. This comment isn't just stupid, it's absolutely insane and the only reason American automakers are still around is because some people insist on buying American despite the many gaping flaws. At some point if we are to keep these industries as well as give these industries billions of dollars, we need to manage what they're doing and point out the greed and inefficiency of their corporation.

Twittering Duke Nukem

2009-04-16T09:21:00.002-06:00

Remisce says:
Dude... there's a rumor on Gamespy that Duke Nukem Forever is going to beta and will be at E3 this year
Absinthe says:
With 12 years behind us, how many times do you think that rumor has been passed around?
Remisce says:
Probably a billion, but this was coming from the twitter feed of the lead designer
Absinthe says:
Well, surely we can trust twitter
Remisce says:
What I truly think will happen is that they won't release any screenshots or video, they'll release the game
Remisce says:
When you open the box it'll be a giant black cock and it'll start hitting you
Remisce says:
As far as twitter goes, as long as you know the author, twitters is fine, I read Kevin Smith's twitter, he releases shit about his upcoming movies and what he's working on
Remisce says:
I'm not going to go "even though Kevin Smith is writing this, but it's twitter, it must not be real" and run away screaming
Remisce says:
Though I do often run away screaming just for the fun of it
Absinthe says:
I know using twitter is like putting your hand on the bible and swearing to tell the truth
Remisce says:
Hey if it doesn't work in court....
Absinthe says:
They should make you put your hand on twitter and swear to tell the truth
Remisce says:
On a cum covered keyboard, that’s “on twitter”
Absinthe says:
If you’re willing to touch the keyboard during the oath, that's how they know you are serious about telling the truth

Old fashioned family values

2009-04-06T10:39:00.003-06:00

For the last decade or so we've been sold on the ideal of "old fashioned family values" by the Republican Party. It kept one president in office for 8 years and was essentially McCain's running point. They didn't want to address the real issues of the world like health care, the failing global economy, or the war and they proved that by choosing Palin as a running mate for him.

The concept as a whole is that at some point in the past, people got married for love and stayed married for 50+ years, they had their 2.5 kids and their home with their white picket fence. No one ever drank, did drugs, had sex outside of marriage, homosexuals did not exist and no one would ever consider abortion. The world was safe, everyone was happy and nothing bad ever happened. This world was a fantastic world and rather than being called "old fashioned family values" it should have been called fantasy land.

This world never existed, not 2000 years ago and certainly not 200 years ago, yet we are constantly sold on this concept. The main difference between today and when people believed this time existed is that there are so many types of media available and the population density is so much greater that we are more aware of what's going on and it occurs more frequently. Marriage is an institution that religions brought about, therefore the concept of marriage as well as sex outside of marriage is something we created. The concept of being able to fuck outside ones marriage was created when divorce came about, another concept of religion. Some form of alcohol/drugs have been around for millenia and we all know that homosexuality, even by biblical standards has been around since the dawn of time.

So what surprises me, is why are people stupid enough to believe that a president is going to somehow change the world we live in today, to this concept, this ideal that never existed to begin with. We've proven that prohibition doesn't work, abstinence only sex education was a failure even to Palin's own daughter, forbidding homosexuals to marry hasn't stopped homosexuality by any means. What is a president going to do to change these things, even if there are people out there who share his belief in these concepts? I think people are starting to get more intelligent or at least realizing that these are not the real issues facing the nation today, our new president has proven at least that.

Powdered creamer tastes like cancer

2009-04-01T08:39:00.002-06:00

So the other day I was making myself my morning cup of coffee and I found to my dismay that I was out of my creamer, but I did in fact have a bottle of the powdered stuff. It had been a while since I had tried it and I surmised that maybe I have just never given it a fair shake. All I can say now is that I want to find the person who invented powdered creamer and rape them with their own shoelaces. Seriously, did we need to find another way to ruin coffee, I thought Folger's already had a monopoly on that? It doesn't matter if I put a dash of the stuff or a half a cup of it, it immediately makes the coffee taste like plaster and the shit I have is even flavored. I understand that you may go to a place that does not have refrigeration and may not be able to offer you some of the good stuff, but the alternate should not be a violation to my mouth. I'd rather you have the 18 year old mail boy jerk off in my cup than to have to try to stomach another ounce of this shit.

Poor Work Performance

2009-03-18T08:47:00.003-06:00

Imagine you work at a job and upon review, your performance is subpar. On average you are not doing as good of a job as your predecessor, you've worked at the company for several years now and haven't seemed to get the hang of things and your performance has affected the company as a whole. The issue may or may not matter to you as you've made a significant amount of money that was guaranteed to you and you typically get a bonus every year. Now at this point you may think I'm talking about AIG, or one of the banking companies, I'm not, I'm talking about Jay Cutler!

Here's a man who for his career has a 17-20 record and zero, that's right, zero playoff appearances. The man he replaced, Jake Plummer, had taken the Broncos to the AFC Championship game (losing to the Super Bowl champs that year) the year previous to Cutler taking over. In fact when Plummer was benched the next year, the team was 7-4, behind the amazing arm of Cutler, the team then went on to go 2-3. This would be like throwing out a Sony television for a Dynex.

A few years ago ESPN ran a column of young QB's with the most potential and Cutler was ranked #1 over guys like Ben Roethlisberger (2 superbowl championships), Eli Manning (1 superbowl championship) and Philip Rivers (Playoff appearances every year since he became starting QB). I continue to hear about how amazing his potential is and I'm starting to wonder if I have misunderstood what "potential" means. Apparently it means how awful you are at what you do and how in the future you may get worse while snowing people into believing you're good. My calls to ESPN at this time have been unanswered, I think they have a crew working on their potential theorem as we speak.

So to my point, when Cutler found out that he was being shopped around by his new coach Josh McDaniels, he threw a fit akin to a 6 year old not getting their candy. For some reason with his amazing record, he felt that it's an insult that the Broncos would even consider trading their star of the future who has a donkeycart full of "potential". Rather than conceding that he's in a business where just about everyone is shopped around for the right price and maybe even considering his performance on the field might have had something to do with it, he decided to cry about it. How is anyone supposed to expect this man to perform under pressure with 11 giant men attacking him for 60 minutes if he can't handle the fact that he was under trade consideration.

The Pope deserves to get AIDS.

2009-03-17T08:27:00.019-06:00

If I take the Pope at his word he is the spokesman for the infallible, all powerful, all knowing, supremely benevolent creator of everything. In order that we might all know this to be true god requires that the Pope wears vestments and a variety of pointy hats...I wonder if they are hand-me-downs from that last Pope. I've noticed that the Pope has more strange/outrageous hats than Jay Kay from Jamiroquai does.

Since the Pope has a direct line to god, a red bat-phone if you will, I must assume that he is also infallible since the perfect creator of everything is talking right in his ear.

In light of recent statements I must conclude that god is a lying sack of shit who wants people to die horribly from a disease he created that preys upon our natural instincts that he gave us. AIDS is a terrible epidemic in Africa certain parts of Asia and has had an impact around the world; it is merciless and terrible, it doesn't spare the young and healthy, children, blacks, whites, whatever...and the Pope just lied about how we can prevent AIDS from claiming more lives.

"You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms, on the contrary, it increases the problem."

-Pope Benedict XVI

I understand, I think. The Pope must think that acceptance of condom use would lead to promiscuity. Problem with that is that people are already promiscuous. The Catholic church has been trying to stop people from having sex for two thousand years about and it hasn't been successful...hell it can't even stop its gay priests from lusting after altar boys.

Why should we assume therefore that they will be successful now? The fact that condoms prevent the spread of AIDS is common knowledge, incredibly common. I challenge anyone out there, to find me an article from a scientifically accredited source that says the spread of AIDS is exacerbated by the use of condoms.

Abstinence however does statistically lead to the spread of aids, and to children with AIDS being born. That's something about religious people I will never understand, how you can look at facts, provable, testable facts and then just throw them casually away pretending they are not the case.

Perhaps, if the Pope got AIDS and had to suffer the effects of the disease, maybe he would learn compassion, something he clearly lacks. I know this blog is supposed to be funny...but you know what? I would laugh at that.

(Here is the complete article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29734328)

Unions & Automakers

2009-03-16T09:49:00.003-06:00

I have many issues with the government we've had for the previous 8 years, I realize I am not alone in this perspective, but there are certain things that to me, defy logic. Something that I've been ranting about on relatively regular basis has been the issue of the big 3 automakers getting some form of a stimulus package. It would be one thing if the removal of these automakers would leave a gap in the supply/demand chain and create a sudden outcry for vehicles, but it won't. There are enough car manufacturers out there that the only thing we'll notice is that we're missing low-quality, low fuel efficiency vehicles cluttering our streets. There's a reason this automakers are going out of business, they made their bed with oil companies and they're not willing to leave it.

If you're making $50 an hour to screw lug nuts on an automobile, there is something wrong. This isn't to discredit any blue collar workers by any means, I feel it's quite important that America does have some form of manufacturing within the country and someone out there is working a job I don't want to do. What I am saying is that there are people out there with Master's Degrees who have resumes with years of experience who aren't making close to half of that. That's not to say it's a factory workers fault that he is making more than someone with higher education, it does mean when the company they work for is going down, it's time to make some concessions. When a company is profitable and is sharing the profits with their workers it's a good thing, however, when the company is losing money the workers need to share in that as well.

What surprises me the most about this is that if the Unionized workers opt to not make any concessions which seems to be the case at this time, they are going to be out of jobs. Last I checked without a job you can't make money and if you don't make money then you can't support yourself or a family. Wouldn't it be prudent to take a paycut, still make even $25 an hour which is still above the average median annual income and live a decent life? I don't want these people to lose their jobs, but we're all hurting from the economy right now and if you're not willing to accept that then I do not feel bad for you.

For those who are concerned with the loss of jobs, I do concede that this may occur for quite a few people. I do believe that those existing factories will be purchased by other manufacturers and that many of those people will be employed. Obama has brought up the idea of turning some of these plants into solar panel and wind turbine plants to help alleviate the energy crisis. What it comes down to is we cannot bail out companies that have hurt themselves through poor business practices and that are not needed to sustain our economy.

3 hours of blue dong

2009-03-10T11:16:00.003-06:00

So my partner in crime and I decided to see The Watchmen this weekend with our significant others. Having previously discussed it in our msn chat, we figured that there was nothing better to see and we wanted to catch a movie. Let me preface my thoughts by saying that I have not read the graphic novel, I have no insight into it and I am in no way trying to compare the two since I have no background knowledge. With that being said I found the movie entirely mediocre and do agree with the assessments that the author of the novel had made saying that it couldn't translate into a movie very well.

I could go into more details, but movie critics and others have already done so, so I have decided to focus on the blue dong. For those who are not "in the know" the character of Dr. Manhattan is naked for 90% of the movie. For some reason Snyder did find it appropriate to toss a man thong on him from time to time to cover his bits, why those times were deemed inappropriate for him to be naked is beyond me.

I have no issues with cock, being a male I have one, I am entirely comfortable with my sexuality and have seen quite a few cocks in my life, all from porn. I understand that in the comic book, Dr. Manhattan is naked, I understand that Snyder was doing his best to be true to the novel, but was this really a plot/design point that he couldn't have taken liberty on? If the blue dong propelled the movie, or even gave me some sense of the character, I'd be fine with it, instead what we get are quite a few different angles of blue dong. If you're going to skip certain plot points due to length and in random cases throw a thong on the character then what's the point of the other dozens of times naked?

It felt to me that some scenes were thrown in the movie not to propel the story, but to show some more blue cock. It was almost like there was a gratuitous use of cock to propel the movie into an R rating as it was just so short of action or violence. I can't say whether or not others will enjoy this movie, I can say that if you enjoy blue dong, then this movie is for you.

Watchmen and other movies 3/5/09

2009-03-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

Remisce says:
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118000804.html?categoryid=13&cs=1
Remisce says:
This is fascinating having just watched a threevening with Kevin smith, where he mentioned that Willis had called him up and said we should do a movie together
Absinthe says:
That will be awesome
Remisce says:
I’m sure that a ton of people will freak out because smith is doing commercial films now
Remisce says:
Oh noes, he's not putting the same 5 people in every movie
Absinthe says:
Apparently Watchmen is three hours of watching a blue penis on the screen
Remisce says:
Hahahahahahahahaha
Remisce says:
I don't care if that's true, that's the greatest review ever
Absinthe says:
It is true, the Dr. Manhattan guy is naked through the whole thing, and you get to see his blue dong
Remisce says:
I just need to know if the movie is rated R or PG-13, if it's R, I'll see it, if it's 13, I won't
Absinthe says:
R
Absinthe says:
The guy who directed 300 did this
Remisce says:
Zak Snyder can't make good PG-13 movies
Remisce says:
Yes I know
Absinthe says:
The gore is over the top and shit I heard
Remisce says:
That's what matters to me
Remisce says:
Need violence, a little blue dong never hurt either
Absinthe says:
I've heard it’s not really great, but what else are you going to go see, nothing else is out...and I'm sure it will be worth the ticket price at least
Remisce says:
That's the thing if I don't see that, I can see.... Jonas Bros 3d, confessions of a shopaholic, Friday the 13th, pink panther 2…
Absinthe says:
Ok...Jonas Bros 3d....THAT is a blue penis on the screen for 3 hours
Remisce says:
There's nothing else to see and there hasn't been anything for a few weeks now
Remisce says:
Not only that, but why do people have to compare comic book movies to great pieces of cinema
Remisce says:
No shit it's not Schindler's list
Remisce says:
But if it entertains me for 2 hours, then so what
Remisce says:
Or I guess in this case 3 hours
Remisce says:
A blue dong can entertain me for at least 2 hours and 15 minutes
Remisce says:
If someone gets killed within the other 45, I’m good
Absinthe says:
That would be awesome though...."Have you seen the new Iron Man movie? It's fucking Schindler's List"
Remisce says:
This is true…I was just thinking that I don't think I've seen a good movie that wasn't rated R since 1987

Personal Responsibility

2009-02-26T15:09:00.002-07:00

From here on out, I am no longer paying my bills, be it for my car, house, utilities or anything else. I am not responsible for them, due to fantastic advertising and marketing I have been tricked into wanting material positions and then due to lies of financial institutions I was given lines of credit to purchase these things. I do not feel that it's my fault that people gave me money under the concept that I would pay them back, and why should I pay them back anyway because if people hadn't advertised shit to me, I wouldn't have wanted to purchase anything to begin with. To expect me to make reasonable monthly payments with interest is not only unfair, it's quite frankly absurd. As we can see now, through no fault of the American public, the banking institutions are quickly going out of business and into debt and as we all know, they only have themselves to blame.

People should not be expected to read this "hocus pocus" language in several hundred thousand dollar contracts, or even understand what they're signing. The banks and marketing people are supposed to do these types of things for us, tell us what to buy and how to do things. If a bank can't regulate what I do in my life, then why should I be indebted to them for anything? What responsibility do I owe them when they didn't pick my house out for me, my house payments and tell me what is good for me, IT'S THEIR JOB TO DO SO! Since they failed to do so, I don't see the need for me to pay them back any money and am glad they 're all failing.

Now to really get serious for a moment, I don't necessarily agree with how banks have managed themselves for the last decade or so, and it certainly wasn't in the best interest of the American public to have handed out so many ARM's. What I do hate about this entire situation and people's debt in general is avoiding any and all responsibility. At no point have I heard about how people were fucking retarded for getting half a million dollar mortgages when they make 50k a year, I only hear about how evil the banks are. Without a doubt, the banks are a huge contigent of soulless motherfuckers, but how is this different from the last 100 years when people only borrowed what they could pay for and paid attention to that very fact? When did the whole concept of personal responsibility fade into nothingness?

Sciency: 2/26/09

2009-02-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

Absinthe says:
http://www.wired.com/medtech/genetics/magazine/17-03/st_qa
Remisce says:
I've read about him, I like the idea of pushing genetics
Absinthe says:
I like the idea of dinochicken
Remisce says:
He's always said that dinosaurs are descendants of birds, i suppose that way he could prove it
Remisce says:
Here's my cool article for the morning
Remisce says:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/space/02/25/galaxy.planets.kepler/index.html
Absinthe says:
This of course only works if you believe in things like facts and reason
Remisce says:
Just fascinating, that in the last year or so how much more they've discovered about the Milky Way
Absinthe says:
My mom is a medical researcher, she was telling me a while ago that medical knowledge nearly doubles every year, I imagine it is similar with other sciences as well
Absinthe says:
Spent the morning watching Penn and Teller Bullshit, the PETA episode, now I'm watching the one on gun control

Jimmy Fallon and other Lunacy: 2/25/09

2009-02-25T09:57:00.004-07:00

Remisce says:
Are you ready for the Jimmy Fallon late night debut?
Remisce says:
Do you think you can handle it?
Absinthe says:
I think I can handle not watching it
Remisce says:
But will it be as entertaining as when you haven't watched Leno or Conan?
Absinthe says:
Not watching Fallon will be like not buying MK vs. DC
Remisce says:
I think you're right
Remisce says:
Every day will be better than the next
Absinthe says:
Unless they snuff him on camera, I could watch that on YouTube
Remisce says:
I predict he's gone within a year
Remisce says:
I just do not see the appeal of him
Absinthe says:
People apparently like idiots
Remisce says:
See and I really like Kimmel, but I'm usually asleep before he's on
Absinthe says:
I'm not really a fan of any of the late night talk shows
Absinthe says:
I like Leno, but he's crippled by having to do the kinds of jokes he does
Absinthe says:
It’s not like he's on HBO or something
Remisce says:
Yeah, he needs to be on HBO
Remisce says:
I've seen his live stuff, it’s funny
Absinthe says:
I think that's the problem a lot of comics have on TV
Absinthe says:
It’s like Patton Oswalt being on King of Queens as the geeky friend, not funny at all, Patton standup? Hysterical, I mean brutally funny
Remisce says:
Christopher Tidus
Absinthe says:
Yeah, there’s another one
Remisce says:
I had only seen that man on TV and movies, thought he was awful, I watched his standup on ShowTime the other night, I was in tears

Remisce says:
Tim Allen
Remisce says:
They took a man who said fuck every other word and turned him into a family actor on home improvement
Absinthe says:
$$$
Absinthe says:
I can't blame him
Absinthe says:
Stand up is hard, plus all the travel
Absinthe says:
Or stay in town, we pay you great
Remisce says:
Oh I don't blame him, I just don't see how they go "this person is funny, let's take everything funny about them, remove it and then make a show and call it a comedy"
Absinthe says:
Yeah
Remisce says:
And I understand for regular TV you can't swear, but it's almost as if it's so watered down to the point that people can have family home evening and watch these shows
Remisce says:
There's nothing dangerous about the shows in any way
Absinthe says:
Well, it's one of the huge fallacies of modern times, the idea that TV warps our brains and makes us violent/molest donkeys and shit
Absinthe says:
The TV programming in places like Japan is so much worse by our standards; their cities should be falling down around them
Remisce says:
I can turn on 12 different channels in Japan and get hardcore porn
Remisce says:
Not to mention 30 other channels that have nudity via game shows etc.
Absinthe says:
You can probably do that here too if you pay for the spice channel
Remisce says:
Nope spice/playboy and everything else in this country is non penetration
Absinthe says:
Yeah, I know there are other countries too that have nudity on TV, Sweden I think
Remisce says:
Just like the videos we bought
Absinthe says:
Ah, cable porn
Remisce says:
You cannot get pene porn streamed to your TV via cable/satellite
Remisce says:
Now via my Xbox or ps3 I can
Remisce says:
Because it's networked to my pc
Absinthe says:
Awesome
Absinthe says:
Meh, but it seems silly to me, how harsh the censors are for comedy shows
Absinthe says:
Sometimes at least, I know Family Guy seems to get away with a lot
Absinthe says:
I just don't believe that TV shows are ruining our society
Remisce says:
Yeah, that's my point, and I don't if it's censors or what
Remisce says:
But you take family guy, South Park, venture bros
Remisce says:
Which all have very profane humor, but for sitcoms we have happy go lucky don't talk about anything dirty
Remisce says:
Never actually hint towards sex
Absinthe says:
Sex is bad, remember?
Remisce says:
I'm just glad that we don't talk about it or reference it, therefore it can be taboo and a kid’s first experience is when he googles sex and watches two black men fuck a woman
Remisce says:
That's much healthier
Absinthe says:
I think making things taboo is part of what the real problem is, you do everything you can to hide kids from sex, and then of course, all they want to do is learn about it
Remisce says:
It's why I originally went to porn
Remisce says:
I had no urge or knowledge of what masturbation was at 13, not until I started looking up sex and naked women on the interwebz
Absinthe says:
Places like Japan, or countries in Europe, were it isn't as taboo (as we see on their TV programs) it doesn't seem to be an issue
Absinthe says:
People certainly don't freak out about 2 seconds of Ms. Jacksons nipple during the halftime show
Absinthe says:
I couldn't believe the fallout from that
Absinthe says:
I'm still in awe
Absinthe says:
We didn't even see nipple, we saw a pastie thing
Remisce says:
Which, by the way was aired during the halftime of an event where 22 giant men beat the shit out of each other for 3 hours
Remisce says:
But that's ok
Absinthe says:
Violence is ok, we like violence, I've never watched 24 really, but I've heard
Absinthe says:
Sex? No, we don't like sex
Absinthe says:
Killing someone is ok, but don't you dare give them an orgasm
Remisce says:
Drank a cup of coffee and ate a banana nut muffin, I bet you can guess what time it is
Absinthe says:
Good segway
Absinthe says:
Blegh...I hate it when that last swallow of coffee has gone lukewarm/cold
Absinthe says:
That's unsatisfying

Musical Inferiority

2009-02-13T10:20:00.005-07:00

Modern pop music is inferior, perhaps the majority of pop music always has been. I take no joy in saying that, but when I look at the fast food mentality of the music industry and phenomena of things like American Idol, this is the conclusion I must come to. It is a derivative of the business world, much like the way Hollywood pumps out by the numbers action movies, or romantic comedies we must suffer though corporate created "superstars".

Despite the fact that I am a music snob, I don't fault people for their own tastes. I do not personally like Country music really, or R&B, but I don't doubt that there is quality music from every genre. What I particularly don't like is hollow music, songs or artists who are lyrically void, or "bands" with no musical talent. I can do without the endless cover songs that seem to be popping up more and more, I can do without singers who don't write or at least c0-write what they preform.

The absolute garbage put out by American Idol sickens me, they have a slew of song writers and more backup singers/players than you can shake a stick at, and they produce nothing of substance. It is a reality TV show about cruelty that simply happens to have a jingle tune bi-product. I understand that money makes the world go round, and without musical producers to put the cash up for getting albums cut, we wouldn't have anything, but that doesn't make the current state of the music industry acceptable.

We don't need or want "marketable" singers, we need genius put down on sheet music. Less Britney Spears stuffed down our throats and more Dave Matthews Band, Jamiroquai or Miles Davis. We want quality, not quantity.

"Prince, what you are you are by accident of birth; what I am I am through myself. There have been and still will be thousands of princes; there is only one Beethoven."
-Beethoven (obviously)

The Bonds Saga my perspective

2009-02-03T13:51:00.003-07:00

7 posts in and you've seen sports and gay marriage, it's a wonder we don't have a readership of thousands. I originally wasn't going to write anything about this, as I'm entirely apathetic to the whole situation, I feel that there are many athletes who take steroids and quite honestly I do not care. I can get into the whole moral dilemma, but the fact remains is even the guys who are taking steroids are typically heads and shoulders above most human beings and without the steroids could perform at a level that 95% of the population could never hope to achieve. My partner in crime does make a valid point in the issue that he has lied, if you pull a picture of Bonds when he played for the Pirates and compare it to now the proof is there, you just can't get that big from where he was naturally. My complaint is, how and why does this affect the American people enough that our court system as well as our taxes are being spent to prosecute this man?

The man "cheated" though by the standards of MLB, that puts him in a category with hundreds of players. The man did in fact lie about taking steroids, this as we have discussed is pretty much a given. What I can't understand is why this is important to the Federal government that they must go after him for perjury? Are we not in a recession at this moment? Do we not have Governors trying to sell Senate seats? Is this really at the forefront of the general populations concern? As a taxpayer I'm going to have to say no, I'm going to have to say that while what he did was wrong it neither warrants the attention or the money given to it. At this point, the man's name has been tarnished, he'll never make it into the Hall of Fame which will hurt him more than 6 months in prison, there's really nothing the government can do to hurt him any more.

The Bonds Saga

2009-02-03T09:18:00.002-07:00

Barry Bonds, if you didn't know has an ongoing trial to decide if he committed purgery during that whole fiasco when we all discovered, that apparently even the bat boys in major league baseball were taking steroids.

I'm not going to argue over the ethics of turning yourself in the a rage filled muscle monster in order to try and get some kind of edge; I don't think that egotistical sports stars who get paid millions of dollars to play kids games really deserve that kind of consideration. I've heard all the arguments for and against, and I don't much care.

What I do care about however, is the insult to my intelligence when Bonds swore that he had never made use of steroids, synthetic hormones, cybernetic enhancements, alien bioengineering, and possible blood pacts with the demon Azazel.

I'm not questioning whether it was right or wrong of him to do, I'll leave that subject to others, but Barry come on! Bonds doesn't seem to understand that it isn't normal to have guys in their mid to late thirties become more muscular then they were in their twenties, and that it also isn't normal to actually sneeze syringes.

It is so obvious to all of us, just by looking at old pictures of Bonds, and new pictures of Bonds that he was taking something, and for him to do this song and dance about how he didn't know or someone kept putting needles full of bull testosterone on his car seat and he accidentally got injected every day really only serves to insult our ABILITY TO SEE!

Football is over

2009-02-02T10:46:00.003-07:00

I feel like I should be posting here regularly, for a couple of reasons, one is that I'd actually like to see a person or to start reading our blog, and secondly I think it's important to record my thoughts somewhere so in the future I have something I can reflect on. My first real post was on my hatred of Peyton Manning and if anyone ever does bother to read this, they might think it a bit odd to bring up to start a blog.

I have a passion for sports, I don't know where it came from, as a small child I certainly had no interest in them and aside from soccer never actively participated in any of them. At some point between the ages of 12-14 I started watching football, had a passing interest in basketball and occasionally watched baseball. The only reason I can come up with for this being the age that I found interest in watching sports was this was the era of Michael Jordan, a dominant Yankees team and the beginning of Brett Favre's career. Aside from the Packers I didn't have much interest in the above teams, but I think their stories compelled me to watch.

My family is and always will be Packers fans, I am a 3rd generation Packer fan and for anyone who has watched or paid any attention to the Packers in the last 20-30 years, they were not good years prior to Favre. When Favre came on the scene it gave me something to watch, something to cheer about and significantly raised my interest in each and every game. While he was the catalyst for peaking my interest, he certainly isn't the reason I still watch today and I often have to correct people that I am and will always be a Packers fan long after the demise of Favre.

So this brings me to my point, if I even have one, and that is that another football season is over and it saddens me greatly. While I watch basketball, baseball and golf, there is nothing like football to me. Year after year I watch more and more games and I find that it's never enough. This last football season I had made a vow to watch more college football and I did exactly that, the Tuesday night games, Division 2 and 3 games, I watched whatever I could find and I loved each and every minute of it. I had the pleasure of watching the University of Utah go 13-0 which was probably the second most important sporting moment of my life behind watching the Packers win a Super Bowl. I devoured everything I could and I am thankful for it, while it certainly will not change my life and will doubtly grant me any epiphany's, it was pleasureable to me and I find that is all that matters. The only problem with football I find, is there is never enough of it.

...The funny thing about marriage

2009-01-27T15:43:00.004-07:00

This is playing off of the post below by Remisce.

I happen to know this friend of his as well, I don't know him to any great extent but I've met him enough times to know he is a low key, and basically a good guy.

The thing that I have never understood about the whole gay marriage issue, is how, as straight people, this affects us. The Christian Right has talked up one side and down the other about how gay marriages will ruin straight marriages and every time one of these Christian Fundamentalists open their mouths it's like nails on a goddamn chalkboard to me.

If your marriage is so fragile that two guys, or two women getting married makes your vows meaningless or causes a rift between you and your spouse, then that shit was broken to begin with. Keeping marriage sacred? It's not fucking sacred, roughly 50% of all marriages end in divorce...and among those that don't end in divorce? How many of those are happy and healthy? I don't know the numbers, but you and I both know that the other 50% aren't all blissful. People cheat on each other all the time, and you have the gall to tell someone else their love doesn't count?

Fuck you.

Two consenting adults make a choice that, and let me make this clear, DOES NOT FUCKING AFFECT YOU IN ANY WAY. Your rights are not harmed, nor removed, nor made less. So what's the deal? Pretty much I think I've boiled it down in my own mind to three possible reasons why a person might oppose gay marriage.

1. It upsets you, or otherwise grosses you out to think of two guys kissing. Well, ugly people gross me out, and there are a lot of ugly mother fuckers out there, maybe I should start a campaign to get their ability to get married removed. I don't want to see your body by McDonald's pressing close and kissing your more-manly-than-you wife in public, nor do I want the precious innocent children imaging what it might be like when the two of you mate...I can't think of anyone who would want to scar young minds with such thoughts.

2. God told you it was bad. The trouble I have with this one runs pretty damn deep. For starters not everyone worships the same imaginary friend as you, so why should your god take the lead? Our country has a separation between church and state, so this is a non-argument. I can easily go out and register a religion that says gay marriage is holy and straight marriage is wrong, it would just be one more bullshit religion on the books. I should also like to point out that it wasn't god that told you it was bad, it was a book written a very long time ago, and it also advocates slavery, genocide, racism, and superstition.

3. Tradition. Which is funny to me because this is really #2 in disguise. We as humans have redefined marriage repeatedly in our history. Back in the day, when burning bushes talked to people most marriages were polygamist unions, and even so, had more to do with money and property than relationships. It wasn't long ago that black people couldn't marry white people legally, that changed, why not this?

This is about freedom to live the way we choose, and much like the freedom of speech, it kind of only counts if you are willing to stand up for people to say things you don't like, or do things you don't agree with. If you think god hates fags, and they are all going to burn in hell and so on...maybe you should let god deal with it...that whole, "Judge not, lest you be judged". Christian Fundamentalists should stop taking it into their own hands, we as a society should not punish people, or tell them they are less for the simple act of wanting what we take for granted.

My issue for the day

2009-01-27T09:12:00.002-07:00

Typically, when I have a rant coming on, I take it straight to Absinthe and rant about it, but since we put together a blog and since thus far no one has taken any interest in it (not that I blame them 3 posts in) I figure I should post this here. I had a relatively long conversation with one of my friends on msn last night, he is gay and it was pertaining to the fact that his mother doesn't accept him. He has brought this up in the past and I can see that it nags on him quite a bit. Originally, I was going to go into a whole Propasition 8 rant and so forth, and I may still do that at some point, but not at this juncture. My issue today is how can someone who bore a child have such distaste for their own flesh and blood without any provocation. It's not like my friend is a public nuisance, he had always been a quiet, mild-mannered human being who did everything that was ever asked of him and everything he was supposed to do. He is college-educated, has his own job and life and if I were one of his parents I would be proud to call him my son.

How do parents do this to their child? How do you disown or not even disown but disassociate yourself with a child because of their sexual orientation? If he was a crack dealer or a murderer that's one thing and we all know that some parents even get past those issues. I just don't understand how, when or why this became an issue or how in this day and age it still is an issue. If I were to have a child there's a million things I would worry about happening or them doing or becoming, being gay is not on that list.

Why I hate Peyton Manning

2009-01-22T16:13:00.004-07:00

I feel like this needs to be addressed from the start, it's something I'm positive I will bring up many times and now is just as good as any time to bring it up. I hate Peyton Manning, and not like I hate onions, though I do hate onions quite a bit, I hate him with a fiery passion deep rooted through my veins to the point that bile fills my mouth just at the thought of the man. I'm tired of hearing about him, I'm tired of seeing his commercials and I'm tired of people telling me that he's a great athlete. I don't care how many touchdowns he's thrown, in fact if you want to talk about stats let's talk about the # 6 out of 9, that's how many times this man has lost in the first round of the Playoffs, that means that he's over 70% failure rate in the first round of the playoffs, does that spell Hall of Fame to you?

Listen, with Marvin Harrison, Anthony Gonzalez, Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne a retarded monkey can go to the playoffs. Add a dash of an offensive line with guys like Jeff Saturday to enable someone to sit in the pocket for a half an hour a play and it's like stealing candy from a baby. Go put Peyton for one game in Detroit, hell I'll even give him a promotion and send him to Pittsburgh where the O-line ceases to exist, he'll be out with a torn ACL his first game and a QB rating that makes Dan Orlovsky look like a perennial pro bowler.

Winning games with that much talent around you is not an exceptional feat, it's the guys who manage to win games without that kind of talent that are the ones that amaze me. I'll take guys like Roethlisberger, Kerry Collins, and Jeff Garcia any day of the week over Peyton. They've got heart, they've got guts, they play with their arms dangling by a fucking thread, these are real men and they know how to play football no matter who they have on their roster.

Welcome, indeed

2009-01-22T14:35:00.002-07:00

Like a Russian bride who isn't even eighteen yet, we have no idea what this blog has in store for us. I'm sure that long the way we'll make friends, break hearts, and earn scores of enemies. As soon as something fucked up happens, we'll be on it like stupid on FORMER President Bush.

There, see? Some of you must hate me already. Awesome.

That's cool though, I'm not here for you, I'm not here for Remisce either, fuck him, he's a dick.
I'm here to enjoy myself, and if some of you laugh along the way, great.

Mm, mm...the word "former" never tasted so good.

Welcome

2009-01-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

For quite some time now, a friend and I have discussed and debated creating a place where we can post our discussions, air our grievances and publicly humiliate one another. This is our project, who knows if we'll actually take the time to pursue it, but at least we've created a page and I guess we'll see where it goes.